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My very first blog…… I just wanted a space to put my thoughts, feelings…… so here it is conscious musings….

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Love and Lust

Cozy and warm were those moments and times when you suddenly held me in your arms, held me tightly to your chest. It was the best and most precious moment of my life! A cherished and most adorable moment. It made me think you want me very much in your life, you have a special place for me in your heart. Although over the years, you have never once said what I really mean to you. Alas, I was happy too soon. You just send a message saying, everything is Lust! I felt so shattered, hurt and sad. It hurt me too deeply that you feel everything was Lust between us. Was there not any Love at all? Don’t I mean anything special to you? Don’t you ever feel like acknowledging any Love for me??

I have been pondering over this for the last so many days… wondering what is the difference between Love and Lust. Definitions say, Love – is an intense feeling of deep affection. Lust – an intense desire for gratification. I was wondering when did I crave for only gratification? Over the years, in many situations when you actually hurt me, got angry with me beyond words, all because of someone saying few things about me or something going wrong, at every stage, I have always only felt like standing by you, supporting you through everything, irrespective of how you were behaving with me. Was all that not Love? Yes, I do know I like to hold your hand, I was literally clinging to it when you allowed me to the other day, but not with Lust, it is the feeling of Love, the desire to just stick to you and be with you always.

I read the below verse from Srimad Bhagvatam and understood how only the desire for gratification is clearly lust.

vikriditam vraja-vadhubhir idam ca visnoh

sraddhanvito ’nusrnuyad atha varnayed yah

bhaktim param bhagavati pratilabhya kamam

 hrd-rogam asv apahinoty acirena dhirah

The extraordinary power of Lord Krsna’s conjugal pastimes is clearly revealed here. Qualitatively, the Lord’s spiritual, loving pastimes are the diametric opposite of material, lusty affairs, so much so that simply by hearing about the Lord’s pastimes a devotee conquers sex desire. By reading pornographic literature or hearing about material romance, we certainly do not conquer sex desire but rather increase our lust. But hearing or reading about the Lord’s conjugal affairs has exactly the opposite effect because they are of the opposite nature, being purely spiritual. Therefore it is by the causeless mercy of Lord Krsna that He exhibits His rasa-lila within this world. If we become attached to this narration, we will experience the bliss of spiritual love and thus reject the perverted reflection of that love, which is called lust.

But, my feelings for you are not lusty. I cannot explain nor express, but hope you will understand. Oh Krsna! Why don’t you make my friend understand about my love, from so many years I have always had it in my heart. Yes, the touch and the hug was nice. But, I didn’t see it with lust. Saw only love in it.

Krsna as Paramatma within you and me would understand my true feelings for you and surely He will clear this up soon. Love for Krsna and being strong in devotional service is our aim and we both will definitely achieve it but want the Love and affection from you too. The all Merciful Krsna – only you can clear this Love and Lust (mis)understandings. The Gopis of Vraja were fortunate to Love Krsna unconditionally and every act of theirs was with Love. I cannot even think of such a comparision, but my love towards you – His devotee is like that, only now it is being seen as Lust.

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Love- Affection- Hurt

Love- Affection- Hurt

It’s been so long since I posted, a little too caught up. Suddenly there was lot of love and affection showered on me, it felt so nice, so much of the belongingness. The sudden show of love and affection was really overwhelming, and all incidents are so vivid infront of me, but alas, it just changed. One single message, and everything was withdrawn.

Mind was reeling, heart was crying out and all the tears just kept pouring out, so difficult to cry too these days… all would wonder what is wrong. But the pain in the heart is not seen by the one who has to see. The agony is not felt at all. Why always it has to be me? Why always the Love and affection phase is so shortlived and only hurt and anger is for longer duration? Do I deserve only this?

Amidst such thoughts, I was musing about Srimati Radharani and Krishna. How Radharani must have felt when Krishna just left Vrindavana and never returned there. How all the Gopis, kept looking forward to meet Him with all their love and affection in their heart. Really great that despite everything, they always chanted Krishna’s name with so much love and were eager to do anything and everything for Him. Ofcourse, it is not a comparision, it was the thought to show how Love placed in the right place is always merited.

I have also shown always my Love and affection, even though you have hurt me several times, even now recently too. Ofcourse will always continue to do so, but there are moments when I am also angered and feel really crushed and sad. Oh Krishna, isnt there a way to make this person understand about my true love and affection?

It would be nice and best if you could see the good and not see the bad in me, and connect through the soul. A soulful relationship!

“sarvasya chaham hridi sannivisto”
God is seated in everyone’s heart.

“ishvarah sarva-bhutanam
hrd-dese ’rjuna tishthati”

The Supreme God dwells/resides in the hearts of all beings

Krishna is all present in our hearts and I am sure He has understood where the mistake is. Waiting for Him to set it right, nice and make it beautiful and lasting for this lifetime with no more rifts.

 

Home….. Permanent Home

Every form, be it for any purpose, school/college admissions, at office, obtaining your Passport and so on… always has a section asking for “Permanent Residence”.  As a youngster always wondered what that meant, since we were the less fortunate family to not own a permanent residence, kept moving from city to city or homes within a city. It was always a challenge to say that I don’t have a permanent residence.

Years later when I connected with Spirituality a little strongly, my dearest friend was asking me about my permanent residence and I said, I don’t have one, I am like a wanderer, shifting homes. My friend’s reaction and explanation made me feel so happy.. for the first time, not having a permanent residence was just not only my problem, but of the entire Universe itself! Yes, we are all here in a temporary world, which is a temporary residence away from our true and actual homes…. our permanent residence. Where is this permanent residence then?

Krsna reveals in the Bhagavad Gita about which is our Permanent Residence and how to get there…. it is a very simple process of just taking to Spirituality by chanting “Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare”

By doing this one can easily go “Back To Home”, “Back to Godhead”… our Permanent Residence, where the address is the same for all of us… universally!

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Understanding…(Mis)understanding?

Life sometimes throws in such challenges when you least expect. When I met my dear friend years ago, there was so much of love, affection, trust, care, concern for each other. But, Poof!! everything just vanished, some owing to others poisoning the thoughts and some by wrongly understanding situations.

Misunderstandings can mar any relationship easily. To bring back the earlier charm, and life into the same, can really take a very long time, depending on the inclination of both the people involved. But why do we give our understanding a mis—why don’t we understand that the person who was so closest to the heart could not have meant or thought bad for us.

manyase yadi tac chakyam
maya drastum iti prabho
yogesvara tato me tvam
darsayatmanam avyayam

If You think that I am able to behold Your cosmic form, O my Lord, O master of all mystic power, then kindly show me that universal self.

The Lord cannot be understood or perceived by our mere senses. Arjuna could understand that for an ordinary person understanding the Supreme is next to impossible. One can understand the Lord only if and when He reveals himself to us.

I hope and pray to Lord sincerely that the truth be revealed soon and my dearest friend comes out of the (mis)understanding and our lovely friendship, a cherishable relationship is always strong in the bond of Krsna consciousness. Only miracles by the Lord can make this happen. Counting on miracles..

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Results…..Success or …..

It’s results time… so everyone abuzz with “What’s your score?” “Congratulations” and so on…. All gleaming and happy faces, full of joy for all the hard work put in… 90%, 80% scores are the priviliged lot, who enjoy all limelight. But what about those who were not fortunate to get a good score? Are they really not good? do not have the required intelligence? Well, a question long since my school and college days in my mind… I chanced to meet a lot of my school and college mates and realised that many of my friends who have tasted success, never tasted good scores way back then!!!

Success in scores alone is not the measure for a successful life. You may choose any profession, but dedication, focus and determination will help you achieve success. Ofcourse in the end all the material success hardly matters, true success is defined by our understanding the Supreme, the creator. Because in life we may have many tests and exams, but life itself is just one big exam and the result can lead to re-exam or SUCCESS to His Abode!

Success in a friendship or relationship is not controlling someone, but receiving an equal amount of love and affection from the other without your having to ask or worry. Let go of the relationship, leave it free, if it is yours, then it will always be back to you with renewed and stronger bonding. If it was never yours, it will always find a way to slip out.

I have also decided to let go and watch… I sincerely hope Krsna will bring it back……

karmaṇy-evādhikāras te mā phaleṣhu kadāchana
mā karma-phala-hetur bhūr mā te saṅgo ’stvakarmaṇi

You have a right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. Never consider yourself to be the cause of the results of your activities, nor be attached to inaction.

So, do your duty, study well, work hard and in any relationship, strive to keep it good and well. Never give up…

Tranquility

The very word brings in calmness.. Something which all of us crave for and me so in particular. The mind being the monkey that it is, never stays calm for me. The root cause for this I identified for myself is my attachment– yes attachment in an email means so much, but attachment is life to people or things means so differently! Attachment causes pain as it is directly related to expectation. Our expectation of people owing to our attachment is the root cause for all disturbance. When expectations fail, is when the attachment hurts and pains.

My attachment to my dearest friend has also made me feel the same, go through pain and loose all my mental calmness. No, not blaming.. just feeling bad that similar attachment is missed at the other end.

Buddha gave up all attachment and attained tranquility, but all cannot do similarly. We cannot give up and search for tranquility. But can experience the same by treading on the spiritual path and experience tranquil showers. More simply put, just chant

“Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare”.

So, simple chant and be happy, merry and take in the tranquility. Miracles do happen…. waiting for some. Today is Buddha Poornima… chant and experience the calmness.

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Clearing Obstacles

Today is Narasimha Chaturdashi. Lord Narasimhadev is the remover of all obstacles. I sincerely bow down and pray to you O’Lord, the slayer of Demon HiranyaKashipu and protector of Child Prahlad, to clear all my obstacles and be firm and strong in my path.

Many a time we know not what we have lost until we loose it. I too have learnt my deepest lesson in the same way. This is making me humble, but the fact that a deep, true loving friendship, a very sweet and cherished relationship has gone sour has pained me a lot and brought lot of sadness in me. It is very difficult to fathom this idea and thought. I know not how the friendship can be revived to its original form, that is a miracle which you alone can perform O’Lord.

svasty astu vishvasya khalah prasidatam
dhyayantu bhutani shivam mitho dhiya
namash cha bhadram bhajatad adhokshaje
aveshyatam no matir apy ahaituki

“May there be good fortune throughout the universe, and may all envious persons be pacified. May all living entities become calm by practicing bhakti-yoga, for by accepting devotional service they will think of each other’s welfare. Therefore, let us all engage in the service of the supreme transcendence, Lord Sri Krishna, and always remain absorbed in thought of Him.” (Srimad-Bhagavatam, 5.18.9)

May this day bring joy to all and all obstacles be removed from the path to achieve success, and may that success lead us all strongly in the spiritual path. I can only offer my small prayers to this magnificient form of the Lord.

namas te narasimhaya
prahladahlada-dayine
hiranyakashipor vakshaha
shila-tanka-nakhalaye

“I offer my respectful obeisances unto You, Lord Nrisimhadeva. You are the giver of pleasure to Prahlada Maharaja, and your nails cut the chest of Hiranyakashipu like a chisel cutting stone.”

Hoping that you will set right all that has gone wrong since last few years. Only you the performer of miracles can do this.

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